rethinking

I believe it's time to rethink my course of action regarding school and maybe even my life.

I'm struggling so much with school (no surprise if you've been reading my blog) that I'm beginning to wonder if it's what I'm supposed to be doing. I'm confused mostly. I believed by the way it all worked out that going back was the "right thing" for me to do. I mean, everything worked out -- money, time, scheduling, etc. How could I not take that as a "sign?" So, I went forward with it and it all started out OK. I mean, I did horribly at first with a couple quizzes, but bounced back, or seemed to. I took a bit of hope with me from then on until it seemed I was steadily doing badly -- in my opinion.

Now, at the end of the semester, I'm still not doing really well. Does this mean the entire semester is wasted? A lesson (if so, what?). A realization that I really am a complete idiot? Whatever the reason, it feels like a waste of money and time.

Questions that have come up:

What does this serve?
Is there a purpose? if so, what?
Did I miss the entire point of what I was really supposed to be doing/learning?
Did I totally misread the "signs" I thought were leading me into the direction of going back to school in the first place?
Do I keep going in spite of how I appear to be doing?

I just don't know....I hope I find out soon. I am certainly going to finish this semester, but I'm honestly not sure about continuing. It just seems, as I stated before, a waste. It would just help to know once and for all.

How do I move on? :::sigh:::

garsh

I'd like to say things are going better, but they really aren't. I'm still a LOT confused about the purpose of going back to school. I mean, I'm doing horrifically -- imo. Everyone says I'm being WAY too hard on myself. Maybe so, but it's SOOOO hard not doing as well as, well...as I think I should be doing...period.

I'm almost at the point where I don't care about trying. That's NOT where I really want to be. The semester is just about over and I have, at the most, two more weeks. I need to hold on and press on! I can do it, but it will be by the skin of my teeth. I just don't know....aargh! The war inside me is raging and I'm not sure how to find balance. I keep praying for clarity --- oh, I'm so frustrated.

On a lighter note -- the walkway is shoveled and I don't have to worry about pushing any more snow. Talk about a first snow! What a doozey! Anyway -- we had a snow day yesterday (Mon) from school and that was nice.

The house is all decorated for Christmas and that cheers me up tremendously. I have dear Kara's wedding to look forward to, even if I haven't the vaguest idea what to get her and Ben -- eek! I know she'll be pleased with anything -- that's the way she is. Classy dame, that! :) I miss seeing her more often. I think I took teaching her for granted. She's a joy!

I think I'll get on LL Bean's website now and order my brother his present. It's not much, but it's on his "list" which makes me know he'll like this. Why can't everyone be 'easy to shop for'???

Off to finish (or at least start) homework...