stuff

So, I've been thinking...and working, which is why I haven't written anything lately.

I've been thinking that I really need to whip myself into shape (in more ways than one but, we'll stick to how it relates to music for now). I've had severe "lack of confidence" issues with singing and I'm not entirely sure why. I've come up with a couple things:

1. I'm waiting to be torn apart by teachers or 'pros' who hear me at USM.
2. I'm thinking that other students are picking me apart.

These bring up the question: Why do I CARE about Nos. 1 and 2 at all? Why am I allowing others' opinion(s) dictate how I feel about my abilities? and..Why do I think, for one moment, that they even know what they're talking about? (I'm not talking technique here). I know what I feel inside. I know what I'm thinking. I know what I can do better than anyone. How come I just "don't give a rat's ass"?! grrr...just thinking about this makes me angry

My biggest issue is wanting to please everyone. Impossible. Why try? Because it's been ingrained in me since childhood. So, (inserts another "why" question here) Why do I allow it to have control over me now?

Alright. I've asked the questions. I don't have all the answers to them. This blog has served many purposes. For now, it will serve as vehicle of exploration and setting goals for myself in music. What do I want to do with my singing? Where do I want to be in 5 yrs.? ,etc....

What is certain is:

1. God gave me this voice. He does not want it wasted. It is not mine and I cannot keep it to myself any longer.

2. I am ready to reach for the prize, whatever that is -- wherever it brings me, for the first time in my life. And...only for me and not because someone wants me to.

I'm scared out of my cotton-pickin' wits, but I'm going to do it anyway.

http://www.myspace.com/maraonly