different for each one of us

I read on one of my author's amazon blogs that this woman is having a hard time getting pregnant...again. She and her husband have been trying for over four years and she's discouraged. She even said that; "I'm getting to the point where I just don't feel happy for people that are pregnant anymore. I just can't."

I feel real sympathy with her and am sure it's hard on her not to have another one, but, she IS blessed with a son now.

I don't mean to sound heartless here, but it always bothers me when we are just not happy with what God has given us NOW --- in spite of what we want in the future. We only have today and we're never satisfied. Again, I do not mean to lessen her plight and make it seem trivial, but I am an almost 40-year-old woman who's never been married and therefore never had the privilege of even TRYING to get pregnant. And now, I can never have children naturally because I had to have a complete hysterectomy 2 1/2 years ago.

The hysterectomy was one of the hardest decisions I've ever had to do, but I was tired of being in constant pain. I had endometriosis all over the place (literally -- ovaries, cervix, uterus) and can honestly say that I never had a "good" period. The first menstrual cycle (just before my 11th b-day) was excruciating. So, after 26 years of horrendous pain and only having (if I was "lucky") one or two "I feel good" days a month.

I am also a migraine sufferer and with the cramping and all the other things that went with a woman's period, I just couldn't wait for Mr. Right to come along. I had to do it for me. It was heartbreaking! I cried and pleaded with God to show me if surgery was for me. I was praying up to the day of the surgery; "Lord, if this is NOT Your will for my life, please show me before I go under."

He did not and so I had the surgery. I do not regret the surgery -- I mean, besides still dealing with migraines, I am virtually pain-free!

Do I not think about never giving birth? Yes. And it's posts like that which bring it to mind. I am sorry that she's not able to conceive right now, but she HAS conceived and already given birth to a precious boy. I pray that she will recognize how blessed she is. She, like me, never has to think about the possibility of finding someone to love her and, on top of that, one who will continue to love her after he finds out that she'll never bear him a child.

Adoption is out there, I know this, but it does not comfort me. God, for reasons only He knows, gave me a chance to live the rest of my life without horrible pain. But, I've had to pay a price, which we all do when we make any choice.

I wish her to be able to grasp how fortunate she is. That she will continually praise and thank God for that blessings and cherish her little boy with her whole heart and not keep a part of it from him because she wants so badly to have another baby.

For myself, I've allowed myself to get caught up in the fact that I'm still alone; still without someone to love me and not remember all the other blessings God's given me. I do not want to be so consumed with that fact that I miss out on blessings God has "hidden" from me now...this moment. I trust in the scripture in Jeremiah that says;

"For I know the plans I have for you,
plans not to harm you,
plans to give you a hope and a future."

That's what I must hold on to. That's what we all must hold on to. HOPE of a future -- a blessed future because we've been content with the Lord and all He does for us every single day.

I sincerely wish her the best...